“There’s so much d—achOO!—so much dust down there, you’ll owe me a—a—chOO! a trip to the dry-cleaner’s when we’re done!” Lupin almost tripped with each fit of sneezing.
At his size, sitting on the gentleman thief’s shoulder, Jake wasn’t bothered by the dust. “I guess nobody ever comes down here, since the point is to vault things away…”
Lupin paused for a second, frowning. “There’s something… wrong with the dust.” He closed his eyes, took a deep sniff, and erupted in another fit of sneezing.
“Are you okay?”
“Y—YeaaachOO! I’m fine!” Lupin caught his breath. “Just as I thought. This isn’t old dust, it’s too fresh. Something’s up, I tell ya, so watch out.”
A few bland corridors later, Lupin and Jake were faced with a door.
“That’s the last door, according to the map. Time to do your magic, lil’ buddy.” Lupin gently picked up Jake and brought him to the keypad. Jake wriggled his way into the system through a little hole and started messing with the wires from within, until the sealed door clicked open. He crawled back out and onto Lupin’s palm. Holding his tiny colleague at chest height, Lupin pushed the door open with his free hand, revealing an immense room of aisle after aisle of shelves.
Jake was wide-eyed at the sight of this treasure-trove of media. A palace of master cuts, unreleased mixes and secret tapes that he had never dared hope walk into.
Lupin’s voice took him out of his trance. “Seems it’s all sorted by date, so where are we going?”
“Oh, uh…” He looked at the year signs, then pointed at an aisle to their right. “I’d say halfway down that aisle?”
“Gotcha! Lemme know if you spot it before me.” Jake doubted he would, being too entranced by the giant figure of his newfound friend. He was still dumbfounded that Lupin the Third in the flesh had agreed to do this heist — well, not technically a heist since the goal wasn’t to steal, just to make a copy, but Jake guessed that Lupin was more interested in the challenge of breaking in a movie vault than in the specific tape Jake was looking for.
As they walked down the aisle, Jake scanned the boxes. “This one is Gyllenhaal’s debut, so we’re getting close… This one is the first ZAZ that’s not really a ZAZ, more of a solo project… Oh, another solo but from Abrahams this time, so we’ve gone too far, let’s reverse. And those two have Keanu Reeves back-to-back, so we’re almost there…”
“Found it!” Lupin sat Jake on the shelf, then carefully picked a big metal box and set it down on the floor. “Complete original score to Terminator 2: Judgment Day… Heh, Pops wishes he’ll bring me before a judge one day, but that’s never happening!”
A familiar gruff voice chimed in, with more glee than usual. “Never?”
Lupin turned dramatically. “POPS?!” Indeed, Inspector Zenigata seemed to have appeared out of thin air and stood right next to him, cuffs in hand. “I knew something was up!”
“And yet you went for it. You’re too much of a gentleman to disappoint your little friend here.”
Lupin flashed a wide grin. “Oh, I wasn’t worried at all. I don’t mind seeing your face around, ’cause I’m too slippery for ya, old man!” He presented Zenigata his hands, curled into fists. “Go on, have fun putting those handcuffs on me, I’ll be out of them in seconds!”
Zenigata chuckled as he locked the cuffs around Lupin’s wrists, attaching him to the shelf. “Oh, about that… They’re not handcuffs.”
“…Whaddya mean? That’s clearly handcuffs. You tricked me once with those thumb gadgets, but I know handcuffs when I see them!”
“Handcuffs restrain the hands. I wanna restrain your wrists, so those are called wristcuffs.”
Lupin paused for a moment, dumbfounded. “…That’s the same thing! I swear, you’re losing your mind with age.”
“Then try getting out of them.”
Lupin’s wide grin was back on his face. That was Pops’ plan? The old man was really scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas. With utmost confidence, he tried to slide his hands through the cuffs, and failed.
Zenigata had already moved on and taken a few steps towards the shelf. Before Jake could react, he pulled out tiny cuffs and locked them around Jake’s wrists. “They only had tiny handcuffs, not tiny wristcuffs, but I doubt that your friend’s big fingers can do anything either way. Now, both of you, don’t move, I’ll be back in a moment.”
Lupin was too shocked to come up with a retort, and with Pops gone the room was silent again. Well, almost silent. Just a few feet away, Jake was squeaking at the top of his lungs.
“Lupin! What are we gonna do?”
It took Lupin a moment to register Jake’s voice. “—Uh, I… Oh, I know! If I can free you, then you can get into the lock of my cuffs and free me!”
Jake frowned at Lupin. Zenigata had made him sit and tied him to the lower shelf, so his hands were near the ground. “I can’t jump down there, I’d splat on the ground! And Zenigata said your fingers are too big, how would you free me?”
Lupin gave Jake a reassuring smile. “I’m not only good with my hands, ya know. I’ve tied plenty of cherry stems with my tongue, I’m sure I can work those tiny cuffs off!”
Even at his tiny size, Jake’s sudden blushing was obvious to Lupin. “B-But… wouldn’t that be… dangerous?” Jake asked with unconvincing worry.
“You mean, more dangerous than breaking into this vault and getting arrested? You wouldn’t be here with me if you didn’t enjoy the thrill of it, and we don’t have much time before Pops comes back, so don’t leave me waiting, jump in~” Lupin opened his mouth wide, inviting his tiny friend to take a leap of faith.
Jake didn’t need much convincing — if any — to walk the short distance to the edge of the shelf and stand right above Lupin’s open maw. The giant’s eyes were locked on him with expectation, and Jake’s eyes were locked on the soft tongue sticking out, ready to catch his fall. He took a deep breath, tried to focus and not think about the desires coursing through his mind, and jumped.
And landed on the pillowy tongue before he could register even the rush of air from his brief fall. He splatted wetly in Lupin’s warm drool, unable to use his arms to stop his body from rolling; fortunately, Lupin seemed to catch on and quickly folded his tongue to hold him still.
It was… a strange feeling for Lupin. And with Zenigata not far away, he couldn’t afford to waste precious time to explore this blooming desire.
…Just one more squeeze, one more taste of Jake. There. Time to get to business.
This was definitely more difficult than cherry stems. He had be careful to not hurt the tiny man while he tried to pop off the even tinier cuffs. He couldn’t speak, at the risk of sending Jake tumbling around. None of that would stop the world’s number one thief from successfully executing an escape! In just a few moments, Jake’s cuffs were off, allowing him to stand up without losing his balance on the soft tongue.
But the duo had not been quick enough: Lupin could hear the detective approaching. With no other choice, he had to make the decision on the spot to flip Jake under his tongue.
Getting another taste of Jake didn’t help. Of course the first thing Zenigata noticed was just how red Lupin was in the face and obviously trying to hide something.
“Are you trying to hide something?”
Lupin shook his head and answered through his teeth. “Nuh-huh.”
Zenigata let out a long sigh. “Are you trying to hide something in your mouth?”
Lupin wasn’t quite sure what happened next. Maybe it was just a reflex from the stress of the situation. Maybe it was a bold move in order to cause a scene and facilitate an escape. Maybe it was this new feeling coming from the pit of his stomach. Maybe it was lunch time. Whatever the reason, he swallowed.
Jake wasn’t quite sure why he didn’t fight the current of saliva dragging him down Lupin’s gullet. Maybe he was taken by surprise and didn’t have time to react. Maybe he figured out his giant friend had a plan and trusted him. Maybe he did want to go on a trip to Lupin’s stomach. Maybe it was lunch time. Whatever the reason, he would have been powerless anyway.
Zenigata watched with horror the bulge in Lupin’s throat bobbing up, then down with a charming gulp. He took a moment to regain his composure, then grabbed Lupin by the arm and lifted him up. “Let’s get this over with quickly so you can get him out…”